BJ: You married?
Hawkeye: Someone's gonna have to get me pregnant first.
Charles: Another 20 hours and we'll be relieved of this munchkin hoard.
BJ: Charles, have you been hoarding munchkins again?
Charles: Unworthy of you.
BJ and Hawk: Colonel, we'd like a word.
Potter: Take any word you like. It's yours.
BJ: You know, I finally figured what it is I hate about winter.
Father Mulcahy: What's that?
BJ: The cold.
Hawkeye (about BJ taking Charles' caviar): Did Charles mind?
BJ: Didn't say a word. Didn't even wake up.
(Hawkeye tastes the gin and nearly chokes on it)
Radar: How can you sirs do that to yourselves?
Hawkeye: Everybody's got to have a hobby.
BJ: Ours is committing suicide.
"You've gotta understand I'm not working on sick people here. I'm working on hurt young people, with essentially healthy bodies that have been insulted by ammunition."