"If you want a drink, sir, -- compliments Henry Blake -- brandy, scotch, vodka. And for your convenience, all in the same bottle."
(in a letter): As usual, I'm writing slowly because I know you can't read fast.
Klinger: "Sorry for the mess."
Radar: "I cleaned it for 2 hours! There was another mess under it!"
"It's Mrs. Colonel, your wife, sir."
"What? He changed to psychiatry? That's crazy!"
"Well, I guess that's a bear we all gotta cross."
"Oh, I am fine. Well, not really, I am closer to lousy than fine."
"Get away from me before I get physically emotional!"
"If I don't eat regularly, everything solid in my body turns to liquid."
"Why don't you sirs act like sirs, sir?"
"Here's a mover and a groover and it ain't by Herbert Hoover. It's for all you animals and music lovers."
"Testing, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 testing. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I got a gal in Kalamazoo..." -- Radar over PA
"Sorry, camp. Attention! By command of the new commanding officer, all officers report to the commanding officer's office, sirs."
"She kicked me and then she messed all my files from M to Zee and everything... And then she got mad."
"Dear Mrs. Burns, I regret to inform that your husband has been seen out of uniform, and maybe you would like to know with who." -- Radar reading the letter Hawkeye wanted to sent to Frank's wife.
"Are you going to be a mother, sir?" -- Radar to Margaret